My own journey of blossoming into motherhood has been a barrel of surprises. I know you can relate; you simply don’t experience this phase of life without encountering a lot of the unexpected.
I was the woman who was determined to be prepared. My motto was to make all of the big decisions in advance when there was time to think them through and come to an educated conclusion (insert first chuckle at my naiveté).
I studied ALL THE BOOKS, listened to countless seminars, read tons of blogs, and asked all of my mommy friends for their suggestions. By the middle of my second trimester, I was resolute about feeding schedules, sleeping arrangements, nap schedules, breastfeeding and weaning timelines, marriage vitality plans, early education arrangements, and discipline regimens. Did I mention I had schedules? I was a woman with a plan– and I wasn’t going to be that flaky mom who caved as soon as the baby came because I knew what was best. (Insert subsequent chuckle, possible snort.)
Except then I caved when the baby came because I didn’t know squat.
Don’t get me wrong… I’m not dogging the books or the studying or the advice or even the plan. It was an important process for me to go through. It was my psychological nesting phase. AND I would do it the same way again and still recommend it to a first time expectant mom (who asked) for my advice. I would just add a few caveats to prepare her and encourage her. The planning allowed me to 1) feel semi-prepared to welcome a baby into my world, and 2) helped me feel like I knew enough to throw it all out the window when it didn’t align with my instincts or my spirit when my baby came into my arms.
Since I know some of you are really curious right about now and wondering what on earth I meant by “I turned into a hippy mom”— allow me to elaborate because it certainly DOES NOT involve things like free love and illicit drugs or pretty much anything related to the 1960s.
First of all, I want to start by saying this: if there is ONE KEY LESSON I’ve learned about Motherhood, it’s that there are very few black and white RIGHT and WRONG ways to do it. Every mom brings something unique to the table and so does every child. Unless they are causing harm or breaking the law, I am reluctant to criticize any parenting choice. My own mother’s style in raising me was polar opposite from how I raise my daughter and I don’t think she was wrong. I believe we are different women. I believe we BOTH have done the right thing for our children, our families, and ourselves. And I think the same about you, even if we have completely opposing opinions. I respect you immensely and I would fight for and honor your style and convictions just as fiercely as I would fight for and honor my own. If you sacrificially love your children and care about how they are raised, then in my opinion, you are doing it right.
So about this hippy thing—- all I’m really saying is that I went from intending to be very rigid and scheduled and disciplined, to being VERY flexible, responsive, and instinctual when it comes to caring for my daughter. Instead of keeping her in the pack and play when I need to get things done, I prefer to baby wear. Rather than making sure she stays awake to breastfeed, we both relish in my nursing her to sleep. My regimented sleeping schedule was adjusted to unconventional times so I can work at home and enjoy being a stay-at-home mommy, too. The timeline goal for her to be in her own crib in her own room was ditched months ago and instead she sleeps with us. Stuff like that. I say “hippy” tongue in cheek to refer to my easy, breezy, adjust-as-I-go approach to raising my daughter. Don’t mistake my unexpected, new style for unintentional or careless. On the contrary, it is more purposeful and intentional than I ever imagined. The Lord knows what my precious baby needs and He knows what I need, too.
I realize that this topic is a tired one. There are literally thousands of blogs out there discussing the exact point that we need to ease up and give each other space to parent the way that works for us. Hundreds of moms before me have requested that the well-meaning, albeit far-too-nosy, women who offer unsolicited parenting advice to please shut their mouths. But I decided I wanted to broach this topic in my own way because I noticed a common issue that’s cropped up in our mommy culture. We seem to go to one extreme or the other—- either we judge and criticize and force our opinions on each other, or we say nothing at all and we’re all left to float around like isolated islands. And I for one, am worse for the wear because of it.
So I just wanted to encourage you today and tell you that regardless of our personal approach, if we are led by the spirit of God, we are doing more right than wrong. I want to tell you that we all make mistakes, and no one performs motherhood perfectly.
I’m supposed to read to my daughter every day. I don’t.
I should limit the screen time to only a few short hours a week. Some weeks it’s hours a day.
I should never give her processed food. Sometimes I do.
My husband and I should have ample, scheduled time together as a couple. We still don’t.
I should be getting up early to read my bible and pray EVERY SINGLE MORNING. It doesn’t always happen…
And it’s OK. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you. Let’s love on each other. Let’s remind each other how great we’re doing. Let’s encourage one another. And for heaven’s sake, let’s keep our judge-y mouths shut until we’re asked for advice. 🙂 (Especially you hippy-haters!) 😉 J/K
XXXOOO,
