Today I need to be totally vulnerable with you. I’ve worked really hard on myself for a long time, and I’ve made INCREDIBLE progress. Seriously. I am NOT who I used to be and I’m proud of the work I’ve done. I can genuinely say that I love the woman I have become. But there’s still a part of me that isn’t healed yet. In fact, by the looks of things, I’m nowhere near where I need to be. Maybe you can relate.
The issue that I continue to battle is my relationship with food.
I’ve been somewhere on the continuum of mildly to extremely overweight for as long as I can remember. I’ve yo-yo’d, I’ve dieted, I’ve exercised, and I’ve thrown in the towel—all with varying intensity. But I always seem to wind up back in the same place I started.
I just absolutely love food. It’s my escape, my reward, my fun, a comfort, and what I look forward to. While I understand the repercussions I still FEEL like it should always taste good and I should be able to eat whatever I want. When a craving comes on, especially at the end of the day, it’s all but impossible for me to resist the temptation. Because after a long day, and the battles I face, and the giants I slay, I feel like I deserve it.
SO MANY people struggle with this thought pattern and lifestyle, and yet the truth is that all of these things I choose to believe are lies from the devil. What I’m really saying is– I deserve poor health, I deserve fake and processed food, I deserve bondage over freedom, I deserve artificial joy over true joy, I deserve putting my future and my family’s future at risk… Something that seems like such an everyday “issue” for so many of us is really a profoundly evil attack in what appears to be innocent packaging.
But something is changing. I’m becoming stronger and the enemy’s grip is weakening. In this season of life, my concerns around over-eating are much more significant than wishing for a nicer figure or needing to make better choices for my long term health… Now the future of my child and whether or not I will have more children lie in the balance.
I don’t want to skim past how important I feel it is to give my daughter a different experience with food. I want to start her out right and model healthy eating habits for her. I want to develop her palate with an inclination towards natural, whole foods. I want her to go for a walk or create artwork when she needs to blow off steam or relax. I want her to look forward to an activity after her work is done instead of a handful (or plate) of homemade cookies. I need to conquer this area for her.
But I also have another, more urgent motivation…
I have to get A LOT healthier if I’m going to fulfill my dream of having more biological children. Without taking these steps, it won’t be safe for me to get pregnant again. (Read my birth story.)
It’s actually a beautiful motivator, isn’t it? I get to preserve my life in order to bring forth new life. God always works all things for our good (Romans 8:28).
I’m excited and scared and hopeful and nervous all at once, but I know that I have the tools to beat this. There’s always hope for us, no matter what we’re facing or fighting. We cannot listen to the voices of the world or the enemy.
So, just in case you’re curious, or have a giant in your life you need to take down, the next step is this:
We have to identify the ROOT of why we do what we do.
I have to dig deep in my heart and soul, far back into my past, and figure out why I began to overeat all those years ago. I need to find out why I feel like food is a reward, and why I feel like I deserve a constant reward. I need to investigate why I use food as a medication and an escape—why eating feels like a few stolen moments for me to savor and be happy.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
To read more about addressing the root issue, read my post: To the Woman Who Keeps Struggling in the Same Pattern of Defeat
LOVE,
LEARN MORE ABOUT US:
OTHER POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE:
Hi Lizzie,
I just found your blog & website through my friend Amy’s FB post about the lovely signs you made for her home. It’s not coincidence that I picked this post to read first. I’ve been on a food journey recently as well, but it’s very different from yours. I realized in the past year or two that I am addicted to sugar…don’t just love it…I am ADDICTED! Add to that all the symptoms of menopause that are just about more than I can take…And, my hubby suffers from chronic diarrhea and has for close to 15 years now. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that both of us are in need of a truly healthy and healing diet.
Almost a year ago I stumbled upon, no I think God led me to, a cooking and eating philosophy called Foodwifery. It’s two down-to-earth women from Ohio who have chosen to abandon processed foods and cook and eat traditional food. Their tag line is, “Nourishing the art of a healing table.” I first checked it out in hopes that it would be the answer to my husband’s digestive woes, but the more I learned, the more I realized that I needed it, too.
One of the basic tenets of Foodwifery is that fat – GOOD fats – are good for you and your body needs them. Right now I’m reading a book called “Eat Fat, Lose Fat” and it makes so much sense. This is not the place for a detailed synopsis, but suffice it to say that since WWII, Americans have been duped into believing lies about what we should eat.
Having said all this, please go to http://www.foodwifery.com to learn about this philosophy of cooking and eating. And I would recommend the book above; it’s available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Your frustrations with food sound so familiar, and although I have a long way to go, I can tall you that with the little I’ve been able to do, I already feel better and am eating less sugar.
Sorry to be so long-winded! Just wanted to encourage you with some real knowledge that I pray will help you.
God’s blessing to you,
Nancy
Nancy,
Thank you SO VERY MUCH! I really appreciate you taking the time to share!
Precious Blessings,
Lizzie