There is nothing in my life that I was ever more afraid of than having a baby. For many years I was the independent, career woman, entrepreneur type. I made excuses about being 100% fulfilled with my husband and fur-children. I explained that I didn’t want to make life more complicated for my step-daughters and had my hands full with them. I would ramble about the divorce rate, cost of raising a child, conditions of the world, limitations on time, and something about needing to focus on God’s “call.” I would laugh. I would casually wave off the topic. I would smile and pleasantly say, “It’s just not for me.”
But the truth is, I was scared out of my mind.
When I was five years old, my kindergarten class completed an activity where we had to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. My answer was “a mom…” I had completely forgotten about it until I came home for a holiday break during college and was charged to go through some old boxes in preparation for a family move. Finding that piece of paper with that… ambition… had me rolling in laughter. I was NOT that person anymore. Somewhere between that early childhood dream and becoming a woman, something in me shifted so dramatically I planned on avoiding motherhood altogether.
Part of it was the pregnancy and birthing process itself. I’m a bit of a sissy when it comes to physical pain, and I’m not at all a fan of doctors or hospitals. I felt that my greatest chance of dying young would be pregnancy. This piece alone was enough to completely reject the idea, but it didn’t end here. (For those who are overcome by this fear—let me encourage you—the worst part of the whole thing was getting my IV. It wasn’t that bad. Pain control is great these days and medical care for pregnancy and childbirth is remarkable.)
From a lifestyle perspective, I was afraid of everything I thought I would lose. I cherished and protected my “me” time. I liked having my husband all to myself (when my stepdaughters weren’t with us). I loved flexibility and relaxation and foreign travel and late nights on the town and SLEEP. I liked knitting A LOT. And a shopping budget :). All things that I knew would change by uncomfortable degrees when I had to put my children before myself.
And I was also afraid that I would resent my children, or worse yet, that they would resent me. I was afraid I would make so many mistakes and be so unlovable as a mother, that I would break my children’s hearts and harden my own.
Now, with a ten month old daughter, I look back on all of that and thank GOD that He made me do it in spite of myself. When I think about how I felt before her birth, I don’t think there was anything that anyone could have said to me that would have made me really warm up to the idea. You might feel the same way. So I’ll spare you the “it’s the best thing that will ever happen to you” and “the benefits outweigh the sacrifices” speech (even though both statements are true) since you’ve heard it all before.
Instead, I want to tell you what no one talks about. There are three major reasons why having children is worth it, especially if you’re terrified.
CHILDREN BRING HEALING
First of all, God uses children to help heal your soul. It’s multifaceted— somehow you see yourself and/or your spouse in your child in such a way that it softens you to the world. Your heart becomes so 
full and so compassionate, it can only be God’s love pouring through you. You also see your mother and father differently and understand them better. If you allow God to minister to your heart through the process of motherhood, you very well may see improvements in your relationships with your own parents. This kind of healing can usher in powerful breakthroughs such as forgiveness and supernatural grace. I should add here that this experience isn’t limited to having biological children. I am convinced that adoption is the same, if not better. God’s Word says that He adopts us into His family— so I have no doubt that the anointing on a heart that welcomes an orphan child as their own through the ministry of adoption will receive profound healing and spiritual gifts as a reward.
Motherhood also affords you a bit of do-over. In areas where you may have felt short-changed as a child or things you wish were handled differently, you get the opportunity to make it right for your children. It takes healing and maturity to not make the same mistakes, but wanting something different for your babies is a powerful fuel to help bring change in yourself. The whole experience is like a healing balm you never knew you always needed.
UNVEIL THE HEART OF GOD
Motherhood will show you more about God and how He feels about you than you could learn any other way. When you look at your baby and feel the swell of love take over your heart and the new maternal courage that has been imparted to you— you know that you will protect and provide and nurture and give everything you have within yourself to that child. It’s such a powerful experience, it has to come from God, and you become acutely aware that He feels the exact same way about you. It’s enough to move me to tears right now just reflecting on that revelation. You learn about God’s love on a whole new level that is not possible any other way.
Many years ago, I had an uncle that died young due to disease. My relationship with the Lord was new at the time and I didn’t understand how He could let that happen. I heard a whisper in my spirit as the Lord said, “Right now, all you need to know is that I love him more than you or anyone else in the world possibly could.” It was enough to comfort my grieving heart at the time, but the real epiphany came one day as I stared at my daughter shortly after she was born. There is nothing like the love of a whole, healed parent. Nothing can match it or replace it.
OVERCOME IT BECAUSE YOU’RE SCARED
While the first two of my points may be a little challenging to wrap your arms around before you experience them, this one will ring clear with everyone:
It’s worth it because you’re scared.
We’re not supposed to walk through this life in fear of anything, and in the areas we do, we need to fight it and eliminate it. We need to conquer what we’re afraid of by bringing it to the throne of God and tell the enemy to go to hell where he belongs. If you’re scared— there’s a very good chance that having a child is an important part of your destiny that Satan is trying to steal. There’s also a high probability that your child is a crucial part of God’s plan. Isn’t’ that just how the enemy works? He’s so sneaky and underhanded.
All of this being said—- I would be the first to tell you that however you feel right now is OK. I’m not saying that you don’t have accountability to God to overcome fear— you do. But I haven’t walked in your shoes and odds are there was a lot of LIFE that led you to how you feel today. My prayer is that one way or another your heart would find peace on the issue—whether it involves taking the leap and starting a family or not. My dream and passion for you is PEACE.
A peaceful home begins with a peaceful heart.
If I had to summarize my life’s message in one sentence, it would be this: A peaceful home begins with a peaceful heart. And that can only be found in Christ Jesus. Submit your fears, whatever they are, to the Lord. Press into Him. Make your life’s mission to know Him intimately and to seek completion in Him alone. From that place, anything you birth will be a blessing.
MORE POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE:
