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2015-07-11 23.21.32My husband asked me the other night if we can start eating dinner earlier in the evening. (A perfectly reasonable request.) Since working in marriage ministry I’ve been well-trained to honor my husband’s sincere requests— and I immediately responded with (equally sincere) enthusiasm: “Yes! Absolutely!”

Only to realize, all too quickly, my tragic oversight: “Wait…” Smile and color simultaneously drain from my face. “Does that mean you’ll come home from work earlier to hold the baby while I cook??”

Fellow Mom, I don’t know about you, but in our home right now Earlier happens to be the hour of fussing/perpetual nursing/I want to be in mommy’s arms/also referred to (maybe legitimately?) as witching hour.

My normal standby for this time of day is baby wearing… let’s see: Baby Wearing + cooking = Just, NO.
Cooking involves sharp objects like knives and hot things like olive oil sizzling on the stove.

At times like these I find myself wondering about my friends who have multiples and I marvel at their Superpowers…

 

Dear mom with three kids under 5 navigating through the dry goods aisle,

I never noticed you before because I was CLUELESS and it didn’t seem like a big deal that your children were (all) being quiet. But I know things now. And today, you get my ear to ear <beaming> smile and my commiserating “I’m a mommy, too!” eyes.
Only…
Time out…
Is that MAKE-UP on your face? Did you seriously curl your hair?? Oh, you’re making roast beef and home-made key lime pie for dinner…
I’m feeling a little inadequate with my frozen pizzas and popsicles…
How is it that all of your kids are dressed in matching clothes with no perceptible stains? Also, that baby is maybe 3 months, exactly how are you a size 2 again? My kid’s older and yoga pants are still my job. I don’t get it. You must have help. Serious help. I mean, I need to know: When do you shower?

But actually, You are my new hero, Mom with Multiples. You’re like Wonder Woman but better dressed. 

Sincerely,
The Mom Having the Strugglefest with ONE Four Month Old

 

Dear Mom with Twins sitting IN the church service,

I really should be listening to the sermon. Lord knows I need it. But I can’t stop staring at you. This must be why God brought man and woman together in marriage. So when they have twins, there’s a person to hold (try to control) each child. Probably a loose interpretation of Genesis 2:24, but whatever— it works…

Since we’re in church anyway, I have a confession. I judged you when you told me you trim your kids’ nails with your teeth… but now I do it, too. So there’s that.

I’m actually super impressed by you. Some days I think one infant will be the end of me. In those psycho moments when the client is on the phone, cookies are burning in the oven, the baby wakes up from naptime 90 minutes early, and the cat just puked up a hairball on the Activity Gym. I mean, I prayed for twins and sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

But you’re doing it! You’re rockin’ it, actually. You make it look good. And just think… in 4 years when your kids have constant entertainment and companionship, you’re totally going to stick your tongue out at me.

Your Sister in Christ,
Mom standing in the back of the church bouncing her baby (and walking out every 2 seconds) to keep her quiet for the entire service

 

Dear Mom with two in two pushing a cart through Target,

Country Western singers should write songs about you. Your plight is (clearly) real. You may as well have twins (only in 2 different diaper sizes) and I have complete compassion for the reality that you haven’t had a cocktail in over two years. (I couldn’t not do the math… sorry.)

I think about you every time I put my daughter in her bouncer to run to the pott… er bathroom.
I can’t 100% decide if I think you’re crazy or I’m overwhelmed with admiration… but I think it’s both and either way, you’re a marvel. I mean, how/when/where do you pee?

Also… at the time you got pregnant (again) I was just contemplating the re-entry of tampons. SO. Just wondering about that. You’re clearly a better wife than me.

I’m relieved to see that you’ve (like me) forgone makeup and long since traded in curls for a pony tail. And I will NEVER judge your choice of leggings in July because, let’s face it, they’re practically a religion post-birth. (Or was that always?) Can we be friends??

Best Regards,
Mom Awkwardly Blocking the Aisle While Staring at You in Target

 

DISCLAIMER: Just to be 100% clear– this is just for fun! I’m not intending to offend or disrespect anyone! Also, I realize that to the mom with a perfect home, disciplinary skills, balance of the wife/motherhood roles, I may seem like a hot mess (reality: I am). If you’re not, please start a mommy blog and send me the link! 🙂   #StillGettingMySeaLegs #dontjudge 🙂

LOVE,

PH alt sig smiley

2015-07-26 22.15.24

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Please excuse the mess staged

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