Choices, Big and Small

A parenting story from an every-other-weekend Dad.

By Chris Smiley

Recently, I had my first experience with a teenage daughter who had other ideas and plans for her weekend than what I had planned for our family.

Now, for some of you, you are hearing the “Danger, Danger Will Robinson” voice going off in your head (and for those who have no idea what I am talking about, Google it).

It was the Friday night before Halloween this year and I had been planning on picking my daughters up from their mom’s Saturday morning. All was well with my plans until about 7pm that Friday night. I get a text from my middle daughter asking if she could stay later that Saturday night since it was Halloween. She had decided that she wanted to hang out with her friends and go trick or treating. This was not just staying late for one extra day, this was missing the entire weekend with them. I actually had foreseen this and had tried to trade for the previous weekend but schedules for two active teenage girls who live about an hour way are usually very full.

So, after some prayer and discussions with my wife, I decided that I would not allow the last minute change of schedule. We were going with plan A and I was going to pick them up the following morning. I let her know that I understand what she wants to do but we would not be changing the schedule this weekend.

It is now about 7:30pm. All is quiet.

7:50pm Text from her: Are we going to be with you next weekend?

Me: Yes

Other texts back and forth about a birthday party for one of her friends the following weekend. Then quiet again.

8:13 pm Text from her: I am sorry, but can we discuss this weekend?

From there over the next 90 minutes, we had a discussion back and forth about why she thought it was in my best interest to let them stay the weekend, that she wanted me to respect her wishes, that it was her time too and she should be able to spend it the way she wanted… I will spare you any more detail. Through this, I am fighting the many different feelings inside about this situation: Fear this will get worse, hurt that my kids don’t want to be with me, pride that my daughter is standing up for herself and what she wants, anger that she is standing up for herself and what she wants against ME, oh the list goes on and on.

Finally I heard the voice of Dani Johnson ringing in my ears…

“Don’t argue with a child.”

That’s right, I am the parent here. The law was laid down and the conversation was over. They were coming and that was that. No more discussion. Feelings were hurt I am quite sure but this weekend was family time.

The one worry was that she would then be a bear the rest of the weekend, making it so no one would enjoy their weekend since she was not going to enjoy hers. That was on my mind the rest of the night into the next morning. Even on the drive, I wondered about what kind of weekend it was going to be. Did I make the right decision? I prayed while driving. Lord, give me YOUR strength. Lord, give me YOUR wisdom. Lord give me YOUR words.

And with that, I picked them up. I could tell this weekend could go either way. I was hopeful that my limited time with them would not be a war. As we started to drive away from their moms house, the Holy Spirit moved me and I felt in my spirit :” Go to H.E.B.”

Wait, what? Go to H.E.B.? That’s a grocery store, God. How’s that going to help? I mean I was hungry and if this was going to be a war, at least I will have food in my stomach.

But then, in my silence, the Lord gave me His strength, gave me His wisdom, and gave me His Words.

We pulled into the parking lot, no words spoken except “Let’s go!” We all climb out and walk into the store. We walk around a minute and then we stop at the self-service donut case. (Don’t judge.) I look at my girls, some of the most important people in my world, and speak words not from my brain but inspired by our Lord of Lords. “Girls, life is full of choices, big and small. Sometimes the things that happen to us are because of choices of someone else but we still have a choice in that, too. We can choose how we react. Are we going to have a good attitude about things or a bad attitude? Those are big choices. And we also have other smaller choices to make. One on my mind right now is what kind of donut do you want?” With that, my two teenage girls softened in an instant. A small smile formed on their faces as they grabbed a bag and a tissue to get their favorite donut. I gave them both a hug and told them I loved them.

The weekend direction was reset. What could have been a war became one of the best weekends we have ever had. We did not do anything huge that weekend but we connected on a level that was totally of God. Thank you Father for loving us so much that you would want to bless our time as a family. Sometimes the Peaceful Home happens easily, sometimes it takes work. One thing I know is that it always comes from God as a gift if we are willing to accept it and listen. By the way Lord, sorry for questioning you about going to H.E.B. I know we are good because I know you have forgiven me.