Faith-Based Etiquette: HOW TO SAY NO (in love) TO SOMEONE ASKING FOR YOUR TIME

We all have those people in our lives that we love (they are precious) but we don’t necessarily want to spend oodles (or in some cases, any) time with them. They, on the other hand, seem to have a gift for persistence in trying to spend time with us.

This is such a delicate subject.

On one hand, we should feel honored that someone esteems us so much, enjoys, respects, admires, loves us enough to pursue time with us. Frankly… there are a lot of lonely people out there that would do anything for someone, anyone to show them a fraction of that interest or attention. AND we are called by God to love our neighbor as ourselves.

On the other hand, some people only want to dump, drain, depress, and deluge us… again and again without ever trying to grow or seeking the One who can make them whole (hint: it’s not me). Sometimes it’s just better to save our energy for efforts that will bear fruit.

Just because we technically have the time to spend with others who “need” us doesn’t mean we always should. While our schedules should be flexible to the prompting of the Holy Spirit when he ask us to jump in and fill a need, we also need to schedule things like family time, self-care time, and God & me time.

Before I give you some scripts to help say “no” in love, please hear me— for your sake and the sake of the one asking for your time: ALWAYS FIRST pray and ask God if He wants to you to give them your time. Give Him permission to check your heart for any wrong motives. Ask Him if they are “in your basket” and how He would have you love on them. If you get the go-ahead from the Lord to pass up on the quality time, here is how I would say it. (No lies, no setting of expectations for the future, no harshness.)

“Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m in a season right now where my free time is just at an all-time low and I’m not able to spend as much time as I once was with all of the people I care about. I know you can absolutely understand the juggling act that is life, work, and family. I can’t see far enough down the road at this point to know when it’s going to change, but I do keep you and your family in my prayers and I hope you are doing so well. (as appropriate: I’m so grateful in the meantime that we’re able to keep up and I can see what you’re up to on Facebook/Instagram!)”

(If they’re explicitly asking for help you can include something like: It really is an honor to me that you trust me enough to ask for my help/coaching/input/feedback on this issue.)

A WONDERFUL book to read if you could use more insight/help/guidance on when to say yes and how to say no is Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. Check it out in our Recommended Resources!